A Day in HP Land
by Dren-The-Chocolate-Cow
Summary: ;] HEE. Chapter Four is now here. Enjoy, my crazy people. Co-written with Kendra and 'Leni. Hehe. Please R/R.
1. The Great Hall - Sorting

--This was co.written by Ibuki Lei--  
  
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It was sorting time for the first years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The first years were all lined up, eager, but nervous. They were chittering among themselves, debating upon which house they would be sorted in, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, three people sort off appeared in the midst of their group.  
  
One was a fourteen year old, dark complection, more or less towering over all the little eleven year olds. The second was thirteen, and was short. Yeah, about the same height as the tiny lil eleven year olds. The third.. was twelve. Cute, three years in a row. Anywho, she was a little taller than the rest of the people. The first year kids all looked at them for a moment, then went back to talking.  
  
The fourteen year old, Eleni, blinked a few times and looked around, then said, "OH MY GOD!! Have the Devil's children come after me?" Then she looked about and smiled evily at the little kids around her. "Hey children.. Want some candy?"  
  
The thirteen year old, Kendra, stared blankly at Eleni, then shook her head and looked around. "Dude... What's with the funky wizard people.." Then she looked down and plucked at the robes she was wearing. "And what the hell am I wearing? ...Oh wait.. This is some sort of power stunt.."  
  
The twelve year old, Ashlee, looked around at all the people in black robes, a halfway brain-dead expression playing her face. "Uh.. Who's funeral are we going to?" And she then looked between Eleni and Kendra for an answer. Eleni was busy examining the hat she had taken from some smaller kid's head, and Kendra was still staring at her robes, muttering, "Yeah, definatly, definatly a power stunt. Movie stunt even.. That or a dream.. WAKIE TIME!"  
  
Then, at the front of the group, a stern looking woman in bottle green robes and wizard hat cleared her throat and told the crowd of children all about the Sorting Ceremony, rules, and ect.. , then led them through a set of doors into the Great Hall. Eleni was strutting like a moron, wearing the hat she snatched off the kid over her first hat, Ashlee was walking with some poor little mousey looking boy, saying, "Is there going to be a burping contest in order to get sorted into the best house..?" Kendra was walking along behind Eleni, hands on the back of her robes, humming the traditional congo line theme. Ashlee looked over at Kendra, abandoned the little kid, then put her hands on her waist and continued the congo line, singing along with the humming.  
  
When inside the Great Hall, the three stood, watching the sorting, waiting for their names to be called. Kendra was staring up at the ceiling, watching the sky, and going 'oooooooh' in a quiet voice. Eleni had returned the kid his hat when he started to whine, and was now jumping up and down, trying to catch one of the floating candles. Ashlee was busy harassing the poor Fat Friar. She had found a spoon, and was repeatedly trying to poke him in the belly. "Laugh, you damn Pillsbury Dough boy!"  
  
Finally, Ashlee's name was called. She blinked, then dropped the spoon and skipped over to the stool. She almost tipped it over when she climbed up onto it, and yelled something about 'Riding the Mechanical Bull' when she almost fell. Professor McGonagall gave her an odd look, then shook her head and set the Sorting Hat on Ashlee's head. It took a good three to five minutes, then the hat finally shouted out 'GRYFFINDOR!' Ashlee squealed and hopped down off the stool, tossed the hat to McGonagall, then skipped over to the Gryffindor table, who was applauding wildly. She sat down at a spot next to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, grinned stupidly, and claimed that she had magic mind-reading powers and that Ron was thinking about dirty laundry.  
  
When Eleni's name was called, she stopped poking the girl that she had been bugging for a while now in the shoulder, then walked over to the stool, sat, and put the Sorting Hat on her head. After having it on for about fifteen seconds, the hat shouted 'SLYTHERIN!' and Eleni grinned broadly, stated, "Whoo-hoo! I'm... Evil...." She glanced back at the younger kids, gave them a creepy look, then turned and walked over to the Slytherin table, sitting next to a group of snooty Slytherin girls.  
  
Finally, Kendra was called up, the third to last, and she blinked, then turned and tried to run. "AH!! It's gonna suck my brains out!!" But.. fortunatly, Hagrid had caught her before she made it all the way outside, dragged her back in and sat her on the stool. "No.. I dun't wanna be a zombie! You'll never take me alive!" But McGonagall jammed the hat on over her head, took a little while, and finally yelled, 'HUFFLEPUFF!' Hagrid let go of her so she could go to the table, but Kendra just sat there. "Hufflepuff? You think I should be in Hufflepuff? YOU STUPID HAT I WANNA BE IN ANOTHER HOUSE!!" And she took hold of the hat and started to kinda.. strangle it the best she could. The hat finally choked out 'G- Gryffindor..!' and she dropped the hat, trotted contentedly over to the Gryffindor table, where people were just plain staring at her, and sat next to Ashlee, who greated her by poking her in the forehead with a fork. 


	2. Gryffindor Common Room

After supper had finished, the students left the Great Hall and went off to find their house common rooms. Eleni had moved off towards the dungeons to follow the other Slytherins, and Ashlee and Kendra had followed along with the Gryffindors up to the common room. Chaos in the common room, such fun..  
  
Ashlee was sitting in front of the fireplace, crouched on her haunches, trying to cook marshmellows. Kendra was a bit more active, however. She was in the back of the room, jumping from table to table, amusing herself in the way her robes would billow out behind her. Most of the students had decided to ignore them at this point, but there were still a few that just sat and stared in awe.  
  
"I'm Supper-man! Supper-man!" Kendra kept saying this each time she jumped and her robes pulled behind her like a flowwing cape. Then, at one point, her footing slipped when she landed on the next table, and this caused her to fall backwards. Fortunatly for her, there was something behind her to cushion her fall. Unfortunatly, for someone else, that someone else was the cushioning. Kendra blinked a few times, then looked at the kid she ended up sitting on and grinned. "Can I have your autograph..?"  
  
Meanwhile, Ashlee was still cooking her marshmellows, eating them plain out of the bag while she waited for the ones on the stick to grow brown. Then, glancing off to the side, she caught glimpse of a girl she didn't much like. This was the girl that called her an idiot when she tried to make the Fat Friar laugh like the Pillsburry Dough Boy. This girl had a stuck up look to her, nose always in the air, hair always done funky. She probably would've done better in Slytherin.  
  
Ashlee took note that the girl was walking around behind her, and grinned mischeviously. She turned and looked back into the fire, where the marshmellow was starting to melt, and waited for the girl to move behind her. When she was sure that the steps were right behind her, she jerked the stick back and out of the flames, arching the tip that held the marshmellow and sending the drippy white ball of edible gunk into the girl's hair.  
  
The girl emitted a small scream and brought her hands up to her head, only to get them stuck in the marshmellow gunk with her hair. She glared down at Ashlee, who just grinned and waggled her fingers at her. "Whoops." Then the girl sniffled back tears and ran to the staircase for the girl's dormitories. She didn't get very far, though.  
  
Kendra had taken to laying on the steps of the girl's dormitories, staring at the ceiling, counting the little specks, burn marks, and spitwads she could find. She had gotten to two-hundred twenty-three when a foot landed on her ribs. "HEY! MY TUMMY!" And the girl with the marshmellow gunk in her hair that had been running for the dormitories gave another small scream and fell backwards down the stairs.  
  
Suddenly, the portrait hole burst open and in stepped Professor McGonagall. She had never come in the common room unless it was a complete emergency, so they all listened. She spoke on and on about there being werewolf sightings closer to the school, and not many people payed much attention.  
  
But no one had noticed the sticky white substance that she was standing in except for Ashlee and Kendra. Both girls giggled, and when Professor McGonagall turned to leave, she was stuck to the spot. So, in order to exit the room, the teacher had to take off her shoes. Then she turned into a cat and scampered off.  
  
By the time McGonagall had left, it was late at night and everyone was tired. Everyone trudged up the stairs to go to bed. Kendra was being different, though. She was running up the stairs on all fours, tripping everyone she went by. And when she reached her dormitory, she jumped onto the bed and climbed up onto the canopy covering it, curling up there and drifting to sleep.  
  
Ashlee was being VERY different. She put suction cups on her hands and knees and climbed up the wall onto the ceiling. When she reached the dormatory, she climbed down onto the wall and from there up onto the ceiling as well. She made her way over to her bed, then un-suctioned herself from the ceiling and fell onto the canopy, breaking it and dropping onto her bed. She blinked a few times, then rolled over, wrapping herself up in the fabric from the canopy.  
  
There were two murmers a few minutes later...  
  
"G'nite Kennah.."  
  
"G'nite Ass-ee."  
  
"HEY! I toldja not to call me that!" This was follwed by an 'umph' noise.  
  
Then Kendra's voice, muffled from under a pillow. "G'nite Ashlee.." 


	3. Sick by a Sandwich

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine Oo... niether is Sponge Bob... life's a bitch, huh?  
Title: A Day in HP Land  
Rating: PG-13 (language and... other... stuff o_o;)  
First-hand A/N: This is Ashlee, just to let you people know. Okay, since Kendra is at her grandma's and doesn't have access to her own computer, me and Eleni are bored, so we're gonna go ahead and write the third chapter.  
  
  
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The next morning, Ashlee woke up, all wrapped tightly in the material from her canopy. She looked up and saw an Ash-shaped hole in it. Then she got up and walked over to Kendra's bed, and climbed up on top of the canopy where her friend was still fast asleep. Suddenly, both their weights combined caused the canopy fabric to break, and they both fell through. Ashlee bounced off of Kendra's mattress, and Kendra still stayed sleeping. Then Ashlee stood up, grabbed the material her friend was now covered with, and yelled:  
  
"RING! RING! RING! I AM YOUR AUTOMATED ALARM CLOCK! GET UP!" But she didn't. Ashlee made a face, turned around to start getting ready, but then turned back around when Kendra coughed... in a sick way. It looked like Kendra was going to miss out on classes today.  
  
So after realising her friend wasn't going to accompany her to class, Ashlee got dressed, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and grabbed her things. She headed downstairs and then bumped into Eleni. Eleni was wrapped in a silver and green blanket of the traditional Slytherin colours. Since there was no way to see through it, she had her arms spread out wide like a blind person.  
  
"The light! Oh, the blinding light! I'm gonna melt!" She grabbed Ashlee's hair and started to tug on it. Then, smartly, she decided to make eye holes. She saw who's hair she was grabbing, and let go of it. "Oh. Hello there, friend. Off to classes are you?" Ashlee nodded, fixed her hair, and then spoke.  
  
"Yep. Kennah's sick today, so you won't see her," she explained. Eleni nodded her blanketed head.  
  
"I told her not to eat that old sandwich! I knew it'd make her sick... that's what she gets for daring herself to do something!" She shook her fist. "No one ever listens to Eleni... nope, nope... damn people..." Students who passed her gave her very odd looks. Some girls even giggled. "HEY YOU LITTLE PUNKS!" Eleni shouted angrily at them. "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT, HUH?!" Then she rolled up her robe sleeves under the blanket. "Wanna make somethin' of it? Come here! I eat kids like you for breakfast!" Then she began to chase them down the hall, until finally they disappeared around the corner, screaming and terrified. "That should do it," Eleni said, coming back and rubbing her hands together. "I always give them nightmares." Even though Ashlee couldn't see her face, she knew that Eleni was wearing a very satisfied, yet creepy grin on her under the blanket.  
  
"Okay, uh... we should get to breakfast... now... I guess..." Ashlee said, nervous that her friend was going crazy. Eleni only nodded, and the two walked into the Great Hall and took their seats at their different tables.  
  
  
After breakfast, they went their separate ways and off to their daily classes. Since this was the start of term, Ashlee expected the teachers to ask if the students had any questions. Ashlee's first class for the morning was Potions. Goodie.  
  
"Now, before we begin, do any of you have any... questions?" Professor Snape asked darkly, staring at Ashlee's brain-dead expression when he enunciated the word 'questions'. Then Ashlee snapped out of her 'trance' and raised her hand high in the air. "Yes?"  
  
"Uh... boxers or briefs?" A stupid grin broke out on her face. The whole class began bursting out in giggles and fits of wild laughter. Maybe Ashlee was the best thing to come to Hogwarts for a long time. A little laughter in the dungeons was all anyone ever needed. Or so they all thought.  
  
"I will not tolerate any stupidity in this class! Miss Haa—" and he was cut short, trying to pronounce her last name that was printed out on a sheet of all the first years' last names.  
  
"Haa-vis-to... not Haa-vees-to," she said, correcting him as best as she could. He rolled his eyes in disgust at her.  
  
"Miss Haavisto, I would like you to write a two page essay on how to make a Love Potion, why they are banned from use, and what the effects of a Love Potion on the normal person. Due Thursday," he said. And so class went on, and Ashlee was already brainstorming on what she would write for her paper that was due in two days.  
  
  
Over at Charms, Eleni (who was now in her robes and relieved of the blanket) was learning how to make things 'disappear' and 'magically reappear' wherever your wand tip was pointed at. They were all given different items, and Eleni, who was handed a simple, yellow sponge, started practising the spell right away. Then she noticed that there was a puddle on the floor behind her. Probably from Peeves. So she dipped the sponge in it, and the yellow square became squishy and wet. Then Eleni took a little Sponge Bob suit out of her bag and dressed the sponge up.  
  
"There now, don't you look just adorable?" she said, smiling at her handy work. And then was the time for the spell. She made the 'mini-Sponge Bob' disappear. Next she pointed her wand tip at Professor Flitwick's face, and muttered: "Reapprio!" The next moment, Professor Flitwick was running around the class room and screaming, the little sponge, yellow and wet clinging to his face. Eleni laughed quietly in her seat.  
  
  
At dinner, everything was the same as the night before. Again, Ashlee wanted to run around the Hall, trying to poke the Fat Friar in the stomach, but he never even showed up, for fear of her evil poking powers. At the Slytherin table, Eleni waved to Ashlee and then went back to talking with other people that were sitting by her.  
  
"RON!" Ashlee gasped. "STOP THINKING ABOUT DIRTY LAUNDRY THIS INSTANT YOUNG MAN!... There are young children about us..." And she stared around at everyone, twitching her left eye madly.  
  
  
"Hey you guys," Eleni said, suddenly beginning to whisper. She leaned her head in low to the table, and a few others did too. "I have a question for you."  
  
"Yeah?" Draco Malfoy said quietly, his eyes wide with interest. Eleni looked around, both left and right, and up and down before stating her question.  
  
"Do you ever wonder what your furniture is doing while you're not home?"  
  
  
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A/N: I'm hoping Kendra isn't mad at me and Eleni for this... but I'm sure she'll be glad when she sees more reviews for the story (... hint, hint...). :B Eleni and me hope you enjoyed, and please, as always, r/r! I also apologise for Kendra not including a disclaimer for the first two chapters... this disclaimer goes along with them.


	4. Woah! Ashlee and Eleni's Great Adventure...

Disclaimer: THEY'LL ALL BELONG TO J.K. o_O So go away. And uh. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun doesn't belong to us either. 0o;  
Title: A Day in HP Land  
Rating: PG-13 (language and... other... stuff o_o;)  
Note: O_o! IT'S ASHLEE HERE. Lol. Me and Eleni have been wanting to continue this ficlet again... so yeah. We're just gonna. ;D Kendz will come back... sometime... e_e BUT FOR NOW. She won't be here. o.O; We'll make up some excuse for her absence, lol. xD Well. Enjoy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
By now, Ashlee had now earned many names for herself. Not bad names, though. Just a bunch of silly nicknames. She didn't mind many. But some got on her nerves. The Slytherins especially liked to tease her about it. They would be in large groups, traveling through the halls, whispering and snickering in her direction. _If I wasn't such an idiot, I'd..._ Ashlee would always begin in her mind, but she would then lose interest and be distracted by something else.  
  
Fortunately, Eleni had not teased Ashlee. Well. Not a whole lot like her other house mates. She found it more interesting to smack her stashed away piñata, which was filled with assorted, silky thongs. Of course, Eleni had affectionately named the snowman-shaped object Ass'ee, after her best buddy. She wasn't ever sure which part was more fun; whacking it or watching the thongs rain down. Anyway, she always felt that it could relieve any stress that she had accumulated over the last few weeks of being at the magical school.  
  
Speaking of that, that up and coming Saturday would be Eleni and Ashlee's one month 'anniversary' at Hogwarts. It would technically be Kendra's as well... but she had gone home for the Christmas break, so she wouldn't be celebrating it with them. So Ashlee and Eleni had planned to sneak out of the castle and go to Hogsmeade with all the kids in third year and up. Ashlee had cleverly stolen the Marauder's Map from Harry Potter just the other night, so she and Eleni were set for the weekend.  
  
However, Eleni wanted to go on a big adventure. She felt restless, locked up inside the cold and almost empty castle. So that morning at breakfast, she strode over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Ashlee. "Hey. Guess what?" she said to the other girl, looking this way and that mischievously. It took a while for Ashlee to look up from her toast. Of course, Eleni was patient. She knew Ashlee's head was a bit slow while in the presence of toast.  
  
"Hnn... yeah?" Ashlee replied. Eleni grinned.  
  
"I just had this crazy idea!" She didn't wait for Ashlee to speak. "Well. Since pretty much everyone's gone home for the holidays, I thought that we could do some exploring of the Forbidden Forest. You _are _the only one who will go with me, anyway. And I heard a rumour that the LUCKY CHARMS LEPRECHAUN lives there! So, what do you say? Are you in?" Ashlee looked up dully. Eleni nodded, her smile widening eerily. Then Ashlee's face brightened up.  
  
"YEAH! Let's go!" she half shouted. Eleni whapped her lightly on the head and then dragged her out of the Great Hall.  
  
"C'mon, you dork. We gotta first plan our 'escape'. ASHLEE, ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?!" Nope. She wasn't, really. She had left Eleni to chat with Peeves, the infamous poltergeist. They were just about to start talking about how Peeves had dropped a bowl of pudding upon the heads of a few Ravenclaw girls when Eleni suddenly grabbed Ashlee by the arm and proceeded to drag her away again. She said a rushed apology to Peeves and then they rounded a corner. Ashlee just smiled and went along while Eleni headed towards the Library.  
  
The two of them sat down at a table in the far back of the room. "Wait here," Eleni told Ashlee and she then got up and disappeared. A few minutes she came back, hauling a large book with her. She nearly dropped it on the table top but didn't care how loud of a noise it made. Within seconds Eleni had begun to flip it open and finally she found the page she was looking for. "Lookie here!" she exclaimed. Ashlee did indeed look, and gasped.  
  
"WoOt!" she exclaimed. Eleni smacked her friend not-so-lightly across the cheek and then pointed down at the page again.  
  
"'_The Lucky Charms Leprechaun is a creature of speed and trickery. He does not like to be disturbed and he is rarely seen. However, he will be powerless if you are able to steal is Lucky Charms. Anyone who possesses his Magical Marshmallows will be able to command a whole cereal factory. However, no human let alone other creature has ever been able to obtain the Leprechaun's Lucky Charms, so it is basically impossible to try. Yes, that means any children who are looking at this page right now and are forming a little plan in their mindless heads should not attempt to steal the Magical Marshmallows because they will be screwed in the end as well, as much as they don't like to believe it._'" Ashlee just stared blankly at the ceiling as Eleni read aloud. The older girl slammed the book shut. "Damn them for saying that! I should just burn this book while I have the chance!" But before she would whip out her handy dandy silver and star engraved lighter, Ashlee let out a loud sneeze. And all over the book.  
  
"Bless me," she said stupidly, grinning like a monkey on crack. Eleni's left eye twitched and she dared not even touch the book.  
  
"Yeah, bless you... whatever. Let's get out of here. We've got more planning to do." So, with that pointless trip to the Library out of the way, Eleni lead Ashlee out of the book-filled wing and to the unused girl's bathroom. They ignored Moaning Myrtle's sniffling and sat on the tile floor. "All righty," Eleni began, a twisted smile forming on her lips. "I say we use a HUGE roll of duct tape... yeah... and uh. A bucket of molasses will be good. Those little people sure do love the shit. And... um... some butterflies! For a nice pretty effect in the end!" Ashlee nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"Can we use my giant mallot, too?!" she asked, grinning from ear to ear. Eleni raised an eyebrow, but nodded soon after.  
  
"Yes, I suppose so. Man I wish Kendz was here to help us. It's going to be a bit hard catching the little bastard on our own. But anyway! Can you conjure up some of that molasses I was talkin' about earlier?" This was Ashlee's chance to prove herself. She pulled out her wand and pointed it at the floor.  
  
"_Oogahluh... smoolgefloo... kachinkeeperu_!" she stated. Suddenly, a large, metal bucket of the thick, gloppy substance appeared before them. Eleni cackled maniacally.  
  
"Yes. Now. I'll just steal the tape from Mr. Filch's office. Meanwhile, I need you to get along upstairs, find your mallot, and meet me outside. 'Kay?" Ashlee nodded her head again and Eleni wondered if anything in there bounced around. They slapped each other a sloppy high-five and went their separate ways.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ashlee stood by the edge of the forest, eager for what awaited them on their adventure. Eleni had not yet shown up; Ashlee figured it was because she had either been caught, or she had let her fetish of duct tape overcome her and she was wrapping it around her head like a turban. Just as the girl was about to turn and head back up to the castle, she heard a shout and immediately knew Eleni had arrived.  
  
"Hey there, friend!" Ashlee greeted, twitching her eyes. Eleni let out a short laugh and then strode past her.  
  
"Well, are you ready?" She stood proudly in front of the forest, waiting for a reply. Without turning around she repeated, "Ash, are you READY?" Still nothing. "ASH!" Then she faced her friend and scowled. "Ash... how many times MUST I tell you? DON'T MUTILATE THE SQUIRRELS." Yes. Mutilate. That's what Ashlee had done.  
  
"But squirrels are just so... so... EVIL. You can see it in their evil little eyes and hear it in their evil little squirrel-talk..." Ashlee than began to babble on and on about their 'evil little ways', but Eleni just sighed, rolled her eyes, and dragged the girl up and into the thick trees.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: O_O TOTALY. Lol. I finished. xD Well. I HOPE THIS MAKES ANYONE PROUD WHO READS IT. ;_; Please read it, might I add. e_e We need all the support we can get. Kay? Kay. Heh. Well. Tell us what you think. o_O And yes. 'A DAY IN HP LAND' IS OFFICIALLY BACK. Reminder: the title is not literal. They are there for more than a day. ; So yeah. O_o Kthen. Bye. xD


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